① I don't like crowds, which for me is any group larger than 4-5 people. This means I don't do parties, or church, or big get-togethers, and it's July so I might as well tell you now: I don't do Christmas.
② To get in touch, simply send a text or email. I'll get back to you soon, but *not* immediately. My phone is set to absolute silence, so I won't even know you've texted until I check my messages, and I don't carry a phone with me everywhere I go. I don't have internet access at home, so I won't know you've emailed until the next time I'm at a library (which is the next day, generally).
③ If you call, I won't answer the phone. I haven't answered the phone since my wife died, several years ago. I hate talking on the phone, so (again) my phone is set to absolute silence — no ringer, no vibrate. I won't even know you've called, unless you leave a voice mail.
④ If you leave a voice mail, I probably won't return your call, because (again) I hate talking on the phone. Send a text or an email, please.
⑤ I'm at Little Pat's Restaurant for breakfast every Saturday morning at 9AM, and you're invited. Most days I visit a library, and pretty soon I'll need to get a job. If you know where I am and you call the restaurant's phone, the library's phone, or the company phone wherever I'm working, and ask for Doug — that's beyond the boundaries, and I will hang up on you.
⑥ Visitors are not allowed at my shared house. This means that visitors are not allowed at my shared house.
⑦ If you ring my doorbell unexpected, nobody will answer. The doorbell doesn't work.
⑧ If you knock on my door unexpected, my bedroom is far enough from the front door that I won't hear it. Maybe you'll successfully rouse my flatmates, and they'll yell at you. If I'm at home, maybe one of my flatmates will rouse me, and I'll yell at you. Again, visitors are not allowed at my shared house.
⑨ This list is not complete. If you're determined to do so, you could probably find some other way to be wildly intrusive, but I am asking you not to.